Any who have followed my story are aware, since my brain injury, painful hearing has been one of my greatest struggles. From Phillip’s voice, to singing birds and everything in between, sound sent crushing, shooting pain through my ears and then all over the left side of my head.
As suddenly as the hyperacusis (painful hearing) developed, it has gone away. For two days now I have quietly enjoyed birds singing, trees rustling in the breeze, my children’s voices and even the dogs barking without recoiling in pain. A little slice of Heaven on earth I think…
Yesterday I visited my audiologist. She believes the epi overdose the nurse gave me, aggravated my largest cranial nerve making it irritated. When vibrations from sound occur, they cause the irritated nerve to fire again and again causing horrible pain. She believes the injection I had almost 2 weeks ago (in one of the branches of this nerve) is temporarily settling the nerve down. “This proves”, she said, “[I] can get better”. This is such good news.
I find it difficult to express the happiness I feel today. The sense of relief I feel is incredible. Having hope for a pain-free life brings a certain joy that I haven’t experienced for a long time. While it is easy to be exuberant right now (and exuberant I am!), I want to never forget that Emmanuel (God is with us) has lovingly carried me during the hardest moments. Yes, he has never left my side. — and He is with me through these moments of joy and hopefulness as well.
He was with me when I had my first allergic reaction that sent me to the hospital. He was with me when the nurse sent the epi surging through my heart and then brain. He was with me as I took my first steps full of tremors. He was with me during every seizure, every heartbreak, every moment of confusion and every hope deferred. Yes, even in the moments I thought I could go no further, He was there to carry me through.
He is with me now as I enjoy sounds, freely laugh with my children, and listen to Phillip without covering my ears. He will be with me on Sunday as I go to church and sing songs with friends like I haven’t been able to do for so long. He will be with me when the steroids wear off and the pain returns. He will be with me if I must have neurosurgery to finally and permanently severe the nerve that is causing the pain. He will be with me if the surgery is 100% successful, partially successful or a complete failure.
No matter the valley, the trial, the hope or the blessing Emmanuel – God is with us stays right by my side. He is by your side too.
Whether you are walking out an incredible disappointment, a situation that is utterly unjust, a disenfranchised life, the devastating loss of a loved one, a divorce or even a personal moral failure the God of Heaven — the creator of the universe — stands open-handed ready to carry when you are weak.
There are times to celebrate in life — and for me right now is one of them. There are times also when we wept, stumble, cry out for relief and feel very alone. I am learning, more and more, during those difficult times there is a steadfast sweetness and enduring love that comes from knowing, following and loving Jesus. When we lean on him during our darkest hours and find his strength we learn the truth that Emmanuel — GOD IS WITH US is not just a name but a tangible, living breathing reality. A reality that steadies our heart and renews our strength even through our darkest life’s storms!
Today, the Ruminski family celebrates the gift of a new direction and new hope. Most of all, we take time to thank Emmanuel who never has, and never will, leave our sides.
My continued love (albeit a little more exuberant today!)